


Truth

by Surikata



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Anakin is a mess, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, i guess, listen i love Anidala but what if ... it never happened ..., what happens in canon is true - from a certain point of view
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:42:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23296438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surikata/pseuds/Surikata
Summary: Padmé's scent makes Anakin feel dizzy and invincible, her touch seems to melt and fix him both; when their lips touch for a brief moment, Anakin's blood is replaced with fire. Two bright souls. Two stars lighting up the world. But a dead star's light reaches the world only after its source has died - and how would anyone know the difference?Anakin learns that if you listen closely enough, some dreams can change your life.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	Truth

Nobody would know. Anakin holds Padmé's gaze while his lips form the forbidden words. He almost expects to burn his tongue on them, the same way he used to burn his fingertips when he sat too close to the fire on cold desert nights on Tatooine. But to his surprise, the words feel thick and sweet in his mouth, tempting and daring, leaving a taste of love and promise and danger. Honey and gold and smoke on his lips.

Padmé looks at him and doesn't answer. Her dark eyes draw Anakin's emotions out of his heart and into his eyes until he feels them burning through his iris, dripping from his lashes, seeping through his lips. There is love on his teeth and spite in the crease of his brow. _Let them come_ , says the way he lifts his chin. _I'm not scared._

He doesn't know how young he is. Padmé does. Her _no_ is not definite to him, and they both know. To her it is worrying; to him it is a challenge.

He is so young, and he wants it all.

* * *

Nobody needs to know.

A whisper, a feathery touch, a smile like a dying star in the darkness. Four words and a kiss and Anakin Skywalker knows that fate is on his side, knows that nothing could get in his way now. He's almost convinced that the crowd outside is cheering just for him and her, for the two of them, for the impossible, extraordinary reality they've just built. Death, so imminent and heavy just a moment ago, guiding his hands and her words, has vanished. They are young, they are in love. They are immortal. Padmé's scent makes Anakin feel dizzy and invincible, her touch seems to melt and fix him both; when their lips touch for a brief moment, Anakin's blood is replaced with fire. Two bright souls. Two stars lighting up the world. But a dead star's light reaches the world only after its source has died - and how would anyone know the difference?

* * *

Nobody knows.

Anakin breathes the words into Padmé's ear, clutches his fist in her hair. When they're alone like this, covered in velvety darkness, all glistening skin and tangled limbs, he feels a hunger in him, a yearning. A call for something bigger, something greater, something more, more, more. He knows he's not supposed to feel this way; but he does, so what's the use in fighting it? He'd rather stay true to his emotions than pretend to be something he's not.

Knowing that there is a secret only the two of them share feels as intimate as their time together. It makes Anakin's head light and fuzzy, drunk on knowledge he knows only he and Padmé possess. Sometimes he almost gets reckless, lets his guard slip, especially around Obi-Wan; but his Master never asks, just looks at Anakin with eyes as old as pain and says nothing. He doesn't know.

* * *

Obi-Wan knows.

Every time they meet Padmé, Anakin straightens, and there's a strange, spiteful satisfaction in his eyes. _I was right, you were wrong,_ Obi-Wan reads in his student's smirk. It's sharp as a knife, and he cuts himself every time. And yet he can't bring himself to confront Anakin. It's foolish, and wrong, and he's neglecting his duties as Anakin's Master, as a Jedi, as a member of the Council. But then Anakin's face lights up when he sees Padmé, and he looks softer, more peaceful than he ever does with Obi-Wan. Happier. So Obi-Wan keeps his mouth shut, bans the broken trust from the crease in his brow, smiles at Padmé and pretends he doesn't know.

He feels like he is choking on all the unsaid words clawing at his throat. But they only pile up atop the ones he is not allowed to say and, deep down, the ones he never got a chance to say. There are many unspoken things in the life of Obi-Wan Kenobi, and one day they will be too much to carry. He knows that.

But there are many things he knows and ignores.

* * *

Anakin knows.

He knows what he must do. But the thought of it, the lethal, inescapable hopelessness accompanying it, slurs his movements and dazes his thoughts. _How much would you give up to save her,_ the shadow in his head asks, again and again, and the answer is so easy. _Everything_.

It does not occur to Anakin that everything, in its most cruel form, might include Obi-Wan. Not until Obi-Wan steps over the threshold of the Temple, into the sunlight, leaving Anakin in the shadows. Not until suddenly the only word left between them is goodbye, and Anakin's thoughts stop.

"I've disappointed you," he says, and this time the words do burn his tongue, filling his mouth with the taste of ash. The truth is never pretty. He doesn't dare look at Obi-Wan while he speaks, but he has to look up eventually, has to see his Master's reaction. _Help me_ , his eyes cry out, pleading. _Save me. Stop me._ (It's all the same.)

But Obi-Wan smiles, just smiles, and doesn't notice, and the pride and affection in his eyes - the very expression Anakin wants to see more than anything else - tear him apart. His hand feels reassuring on Anakin's shoulder, steadying and warm, and Anakin almost drops to his knees from the weight. How can you choose between your heart and your soul? (You can't.) If Obi-Wan would just see, would realise-

But he turns away. His words are ringing in Anakin's ears, reminding him of everything he is about to do: _You are strong and wise, Anakin, and I am very proud of you. You have become a far greater Jedi than I could ever hope to be. Be patient._

Some part of Anakin wonders how he managed to hide his emotions from his Master, why he didn't notice. Most of him, however, seems to crumble to embers, more and more with every step Obi-Wan takes away from him. He seems confident, a fixed point in a dying world; and yet, Anakin realises, his shoulders look hunched, as if he were carrying a burden. Pain sometimes brings bad posture. It makes Obi-Wan look that much older, the sight causing a painful tug in Anakin's stomach, and he speaks before he can think about it.

"Obi-Wan." The name feels unfamiliar on his lips now that he says it as a friend for the last time. "May the Force be with you."

Obi-Wan turns and looks at him. "Goodbye, old friend," he says, and for a moment Anakin thinks that maybe ... but no. He doesn't know. "May the Force be with you."

Anakin has forgotten about his smile until he feels it die on his lips, watching his friend walk away. Obi-Wan should have noticed. He should have realised. Should have done something.

Now Anakin can't go back.

* * *

He knew.

Obi-Wan knew all along. But he didn't tell Anakin. Instead, he took advantage of his knowledge, betrayed Anakin, took Padmé and turned her against him. He took the one Anakin sacrificed everything for. And now there's nothing left to fight for.

So Anakin fights Obi-Wan.

He has always been better with a weapon than with words, so he lets his blade speak. A vicious, fast attack for his anger, an upwards blow for his need for justice, a bold stab for his broken trust. As soon as the duel begins, Obi-Wan is in the defensive. He must know that what he did was wrong and yet he fights Anakin as if they were both right. When Anakin hears him admit to having failed him, his blood seems to boil until it feels like Mustafar's fire is running through his veins instead.

Obi-Wan took everything from him. And even now he underestimates him; even now he denies Anakin's power.

He will die because of that mistake.

* * *

Obi-Wan should have known.

"Don't try it," he begs, hoping that Anakin will understand what he is trying to tell him: _I don't want to hurt you, but I will have to if you cross this line. Don't do this to yourself. You can come home. Please, come home with me._

It's a faint hope, and when it dies, so does a piece of Obi-Wan. He didn't know there was room for this much hate in his heart, hate and disgust that he feels not for Anakin (never for Anakin), but for himself. How could he ever blame Anakin when Obi-Wan was supposed to guide him, help him find the right path? It was his own short-sightedness that caused this. _I have failed you._ And now there is nothing more he can do. He can't save Anakin, even though it is the only thing that matters. Mattered.

"I hate you!"

The words burn into Obi-Wan's body, scorch his heart, fill his mind, until he is made only of Anakin's voice, dark with rage and hatred. But he can't repeat the words back to him; he could fight Anakin, barely, he could hurt him and he will have to leave him, but he can't lie to him. So he tells him the truth: "I loved you," he says, past tense, because whatever is lying there on Mustafar's black banks, it's not Anakin anymore.

Forcing himself to leave is the hardest thing he has ever done. But he thinks of Padmé and the child and how in a few moments they will be all that's left of Anakin, and he knows what he must do.

Obi-Wan Kenobi dies on Mustafar. The person who turns his back and walks away is no more than a shell, the memory of a kind man. The only things remaining are love and pain.

* * *

Nobody will know.

The world used to be more than pain and cold light. Anakin tries to remember what else there was. Words come to his mind, but there are no memories attached; they stay what they are. Empty terms.

Even the light is shut out when the mask covers his face. For a moment he remembers something, the echo of a voice, a smile like a dying star in the darkness. But she's not here. She's gone. His light is gone.

Only the pain remains.

* * *

Anakin bolts upright with a gasp. It's dark around him. His harsh breaths sound strangely loud and he thinks he must be in a small room, but he can't see anything. He blinks rapidly, trying to get used to the lack of light. It doesn't work. The darkness around him is absolute. When he tries to stand up he notices that his hands and legs are tangled in something. He can't move. Panic starts spreading through his body, harsh and bright, and Anakin blindly gropes for his lightsaber. It has to be here somewhere, right, he needs it, needs to be able to fight if-

Something touches his shoulder and his thoughts freeze. Luckily his reflexes don't and he scrambles away, struggling with the cloth around his hands. _Where is the damn lightsaber?_

"Calm down, Anakin. It's just me."

Oh, sure, that's helpful. Anakin blinks so hard it hurts - he needs to _see_ , Force, this can't be happening - and almost sobs in relief when dim light appears in front of him.

"You had a bad dream. Breathe. You're all right."

The calm voice stirs something in him. It sounds familiar, Anakin realises, but he can't put it in any context, he is panting and his thoughts are racing and he _still can't see-_

When he blinks again vehemently, his vision finally, _finally_ starts to clear. The light brightens, revealing white walls, a metal table, a chair, and his own hands and feet, covered with a blanket.

"Are you with me?"

He looks up and sees - oh, thank the Force. For a moment he can't quite believe his eyes, but it all becomes more real with every passing second, and he is more than willing to accept what he sees.

Standing next to his bed is Obi-Wan, wearing a long cloak over his armour, a too-long sleeve hiding his hand. The other one is still hovering over Anakin's shoulder. He seems as calm and collected as ever; maybe a little worried, but that expression fades as soon as Anakin meets his eyes, and he smiles. At the sight Anakin feels a wave of relief wash over him, so strong that he almost collapses back onto the bed. The chaos and noise in his mind decrease considerably. _He's all right_ , Anakin thinks, _he's all right._

Obi-Wan is watching him closely. "How are you feeling?"

"Where am I?" Anakin asks back, wiping the sweat from his face. (It's only sweat. Even the hot drops beneath his eyes and on his cheeks. All of it sweat.)

"On board one of our ships, on the way to Coruscant," Obi-Wan replies, folding his hands. "Do you remember what happened?"

"I ..." As soon as Anakin starts to think back, his head starts to buzz. He makes a face. "No. Not really."

"We met our old friend Dooku," Obi-Wan says slowly. "First he gave you quite a beating, then he hit you on the head with a rock. I managed to get us out of there when reinforcements arrived, but you have been sleeping for almost two days, my friend."

Dooku.

Right.

A few hazy memories begin to take shape in the back of Anakin's head, but he suppresses them immediately. No need to feel the shame just yet.

"I dreamt something," he murmurs, more to himself than to Obi-Wan. He can still feel the shadow of grief and loss hanging over him, and the images aren't fading like they usually do after he wakes up. It all seemed too real.

"So I've noticed. Share?"

Anakin hesitates; but then he remembers that his dream-self didn't speak to Obi-Wan and what happened afterwards, shudders, and starts talking. When he gets to his time with Padmé he feels a blush creep up his neck; a few minutes later he almost chokes on his own words trying to describe what happened on Mustafar. Obi-Wan listens carefully to every word, and even though a small furrow appears between his brows he doesn't seem to be angry. When Anakin finishes his story he swallows, nervously waiting for Obi-Wan's reaction.

It takes a few moments. Then: "Are you in love with Padmé?"

Anakin has expected the question, but it still sounds ridiculous. "Force, _no_. She's, like, 10 years older than me. We've been friends since I was nine. It would be ..." He shakes his head at the idea. "Just wrong."

Obi-Wan only cocks an eyebrow at him.

"And, uh, of course I'd never do anything that violates the Jedi code."

"Of course not," Obi-Wan repeats slowly, but he sounds amused.

Anakin absently chews on his lips. "So what ... do you think?"

"I think you got hit on the head and had a strange dream while you were unconscious."

"But ..." How to put this? "You know that sometimes when I dream about things, they come true. What if ..."

Obi-Wan is watching him, the embodiment of calm. His mere presence seems to clear Anakin's head, makes him feel more collected, more confident. And yet the nagging doubts and the fear, deeply settled in his bones, are still there. "I don't want this to be one of my premonitions," he finally says, simple and true.

"Sometimes dreams are just dreams, Anakin." When he looks up at Obi-Wan he sees a smile playing on his lips. "You dreamt of your biggest fear and now you're worried it might come true. As long as you are aware of where your path is leading you, it won't."

Cryptic Jedi talk. Typical. But weirdly enough it actually makes Anakin feel better; a sign that he is dangerously getting used to the Jedi way of speaking. Jeez. He might have to ignore some orders soon to get back to the natural state of things.

"Thank you, Obi-Wan."

His former Master pats his shoulder again and turns to the door. "The Council is still expecting your part of the report. I'll tell them you're still unconscious."

"Thank you."

"But I want you on the bridge in half an hour. We still have a war to fight."

"Got it."

Before he leaves, Obi-Wan turns around and gives him a smile. "You are a good person, Anakin. There's no need to fear that this will change."

Anakin opens his mouth to answer, but no words come to mind and he just nods. The door closes and for one moment he has a feeling of Deja Vu, watching Obi-Wan walk away from him in another world; then the moment has passed and the bad feeling is no more than the shadow of a scary dream. Anakin blinks into the light. Behind his eyes he can feel what might turn into a nasty headache. Next time he meets Dooku he will _demolish_ the guy for dropping a damn stone on him. A stone! The nightmare, he decides, is only Dooku's fault. Damn coward Sith lords with their coward Sith tricks. As if Anakin could ever become one of them.

He notices his robes are draped over the chair across the room, and there, on his belt where it belongs, is his lightsaber. The sight probably shouldn't make Anakin feel as relieved and reassured as it does, but knowing his weapon is within reach in case he needs it gives him confidence. _We still have a war to fight_ , Obi-Wan said. _Damn right we do_ , Anakin thinks. He gets up, shaking off the last remnants of the nightmare clinging to his skin. _I don't have time for this_. What happened in the dream wasn't real, after all. Sometimes a dream is just a dream.

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from that one game of thrones soundtrack (if you listen to it while reading it will make it worse - have fun)


End file.
